the nights

Do you remember the night?
We both 1st meet,
The stars are align
It felt like we had dreamt of,

We used talk for hours,
The moments so lively,
Like the heavens had its blessing
We are like something are meant to be,

When the lights go out,
Try to look at what we had become,
It used to be at the end of your life it's me
And the end of my breath is you,
But yet we both now like we're in our late 90s....

Do you remember the nightsyou paint to me all of your dreams,
I construct to what it may seem,
As far as I can be,

When the lights begins to dark,
Things may bad or gone a little hard,
But there no reason to say all we want,
It just going to be
A dream

I don't think we are to fooledcos young then too crazy in love,
All of this cant just be our sweet dreams,
But why when I wake up,
I still taste this life is reality,
Or maybe just another destiny

till death do us part...

From health and sickness,
Rich and poor,
Till death do us part…


Every living creation in this blue globe is made in paired. Yes are we. Even though try to denied it but its something that been written in the early sand of time. It’s a life searching adventure to find that person that made for you. That one girl that is destined custom made for you. That girl, who god took a piece of your bone and put in her to complete her creation as a human being. Will you ever know her, will you ever can find her and be with her? That the risk which ever men or women should take. Life is all about taking risk and taking chances. Cause to be paired is to be complete. And to be paired is to have continuity of our race. That’s the circle of our life…

MARRIAGE…
Is an oath, is an agreement of being partnership with somebody that you loved with. Is not something lay on bassist of feeling in love but believe truly inside that one person knows you and accept the very inch of you. She doesn’t have t have nice curve, model look a like face or paper of high education.

HUSBAND & WIFE…
It’s a combination that’s a family stay stick together upon helping each other to survive and to face any difficulty that life are meant for. Don’t miss understood its commitment of slavery where it never once are destined to be like that. A wife is a companion, a piece of missing pieces in a guy. Yes, men a head of the pack and leader of the family. But I don’t think he should be bossing around and make his partner as his maid. Well that’s the concept that I see being applied in these recent years. I don’t like there a line for responsibility for men and women in a family. They should not be one. There aren’t any manual or books saying men should go to work and search money to feed the family and women should be the slave to keep the house together. Why should be one because I believe and I would loved to things are share together the burden and responsibility. Yes men are responsible to take care of the family make sure everything are enough. But helping hand from his partner wont kills it. If by doing that makes our family having a better life why not. Maybe in a sense I love to be these modern men where he can support his family by his own. I would love that but risking my own family cause my own ego that would be stupid. You should know your own shoes that you wear. If it’s strong enough to stand alone or does it need support or help. Don’t me shy or ashamed because in the end you in this together. Cause life not everything would turn out like the way we wanted to but its more about accepting what is given to you, solve it, face it and do the best of what it may. It may sound scary but sorry to say life is not a fairy tale. Maybe if you born with silver spoon you may have a chance to have that 50% of that fairytale life. But if you in those common citizen which daily life is all about struggling and continuity of fighting for a better life, then you should just stick with reality that are meant for you.

ARE YOU READY?
Age and money? That’s where we all had been mistaken. To be ready is not about how old are you and how stable financially are you in life. Money can’t buy happiness but money does buy food on your plate. I admit that. But money is the element of desire which never have its full stop. Will you ever know you are ready? Yes you will when both parties understand what may they confront in the future and both party take reasonability of their own task. The basic responsibility where the men being a men and protect his family in every mean and women to support, comfort her companion in hard times. People say you don’t have to wealthy to have your own family but enough in every aspect. We all dream of having a good life and better for our own generation before marriage, but that stop not stop for you to having one. There a say in Malay saying “rezeki anak” where insyallah things will get prosperous and bloom once a family had build. You know you are ready when you willing to do anything, what ever it is to unsure the task is given to you may fulfill to the nearest objective- being reasonability. To sweat even blood just to know your loves one are in good hands. Together and forever be does sound easy but it could be if you believe in each other and standstill through dusk till dawn.

So ask yourself, are you willing to be with that person from health and sickness,
Rich and poor,
Till death do us part…..

My dad my idol

My dad’s name is Abdul Rahman and the best part of it was I am his birthday present. Yup. We share the same birth date. Story been told that my mum already give up one having a child anymore since she already 2 daughter that time. But for the sake or my dad, who wishes to have a son to continue his name my mum take another chance.
I grew up with my grandparents which are staying just a block back from my house. So frankly speaking I don’t really feel the bond between my own parents who is my own blood can’t blame them to make me feel that way and but used to blame them for not understand me. Well I guess we all in life would blame our parents for flawless in our life. I still remember growing up hating them especially my dad which him not the type that show his feelings. When I was a little dude, I remember my dad used to play thing with my by reflecting human behavior to a creature. Like me he used to say I’m like an ant because my trade is hard working and don’t know how to give up. But then teenage year arrive and it grew us apart or what if try to make me mind think off. Since little I was known for being hyper, naughty and talkative. I was been label as the black sheep in my bloodline. The only people that time was stand up for me and believes in me were my 2 beloved grandparents. Slapping and hit by a cane are nothing extraordinary for me. And I start to hate my dad so much and judging myself what the resemblance I have with him. I didn’t see any and I take an oath to myself that when I grew up I don’t want do be like him. At all cost. So I become so wild and live in my own world, my poetry and my imaginations. And these 4 walls in my room are my sanctuary. And I don’t feel like my house is my own heaven. So I spend a lot of times at the outside because I feel a stranger in my own heaven. My house becomes a hotel for me to shut my eyes for a while.
After my grandparents past away, more and more I was drown to this loneliness and fantasy in life. Living a life of careless what might happen. I live a life without reason. Because I was anger the world and I fist to the sky because of taking away the only people I care about in my life. Questioning why he being so mean by taking away them and why he let me breathe the air with parents likes this. This anger flows in my vain for many years and then it happen when I reach adulthood. Is a simple yet deep conversation with my uncle who gives me a realization. He says no matter how wrong or bad you think your parents are they are still own on blood. People who put their life just to make sure u breathing and unsure you would have a life in good manner. How hard you trying to not accept them but u have to remember that god crates you and they give you a life. Something that can’t be measure by money or any thing in this world could supply. Love them, treat them well when they will around for to be kiss and hug to. Because when already went to the ship to the other world, being regret or missing them wont do much for you. Maybe now you won’t feel it because they in front of you but then when the time comes believe me thought of regret would hovering in your minds. Accept anything that they say even though you don’t agree with you. Give face to them for god sake their own parents.
That conversation I had was my turning point. Maybe its maturity reaches its stage or I just accept the thing that my uncle told me does make sense. It grows on me and makes me became calm and accepting my parents for who they are. And being *redha* in life complication slowly burn out the fire in me. I start to see thing I don’t see with my own eyes before this. The goodness and greatness of my dad. How patient he is in his life, on how he kept his problem to himself just for the sake of the family. And I realize I can’t see it front of me that I am my dad’s child. Who I am, how do I behavior and face the way is the way my dad is. Something that happened because of his gene flows in me. Put aside my charm and looks then you can see Mr Abdul Rahman.heheh. I always thought that he hates me of the thing I had done in life. Things how hard I try to wipe away the stained still left it marks. But when my eyes are start to open wide now that I realized that his not mad with me but he is disappointed to himself of what had become to me. It shows clearer through his face. In his eyes show a men in sadness who thinks he is a failure to his son. Because every men success are not valued by the rich and fame he have, but how he strife to make to sure his family enough of everything. Having a child who is successful in life would be a bonus but the important thing is they grew up being somebody good. That’s all. I miss my dad even though when we talk he doesn’t give me the answer that I wanted but to seeing his face of calmness when I told my problems are already can make me feel calm inside. His my idol because his a Johor java kids who married with a KL nearly become model lady (thank god my tuk and tukwan chase away this model talent again.hehe), who rise 3 children in Kuala Lumpur with only MCE result and works in Motorola factory and who nearly became vegetable due to major stroke (now his already secretly start to smoke again and hangout at the football field stall at night). For now I’m sure and proud to say I am who I am is my dad’s son.

ALTA(ash learns to arab)

It’s been a month plus I been in this holy land. The environment of work is nothing new for me. What do you expect from a contractions company especially its own by a Malay owner? So I guess I not having any huge problem here because I been through it many times in Malaysia. Been screwed by your boss and your consultant is a daily thing. Well I believe that the bosses been paid to been fuck by the consultant and we the stuff are been paid to be fuck by him. But the different is here when the consultant screwed you in English ex. Fuck you, what the fuck you been doing, I don’t want to listen to your stupid excuses and so on. Which doesn’t hurt that much to think if you been cursed in Malay (babi ko! Bodoh nak mampus! Ko tak guna otak ke).
Here in saudi we all cook at home and bring the food for lunch. So every night when we cook for dinner we will cook extra so it bring for tomorrow lunch. If you want to eat outside the choices a vey few, either we eat kapsha (which is something like nasi minyak where u eat with just grilled chicken), shawarma ( something like a kebab which its wrap with pita bread) or prata ( your normal roti canai). One thing people here often say that there 2 thing u might bring back to Malaysia which you it is diabetes and high blood pressure because of the food and drink they serve here (mutton, oily food and sweet like hell drinks).
For me the biggest challenge here is the language barrier because all the labor here doesn’t know to speak English and they might understand it will be a few common words. So you have to speak in Arabic to communicate whit them. Under me control I have 5 sub contractors and 12 general labor. So you might understand how difficult it is to control and work with my workers here. But I try to implement the concept of treating everyone at the same level no matter who is he. If you want people to treat you good and respect you have to treat the same too with them. It seems all of my workers and contractor likes me even if we communicate from different language. For example I have this contractor who works as my acoustic and wooden wall. They are from Egypt and their foreman named is Muhammad. Frankly speaking I don’t know most of the words he saying to me because of his accent and his fast talking. Most of the time I would say yes or ok to him. During my daily checking without failed he will called me to hangout with him and chat. During lunch time he might call my cellular phone just to ask me to come by to eat with him. Maybe he just does that so I won’t be mad with him and ask him to clean up his working area. Or maybe he feels comfortable with my presence. Anyway we don’t have any problem to each other and the work product is as what required. In a sense I guess its good that I hangout with him even though I don’t exactly know what he trying to say but I understand what his trying to tell to him. Scenario like this often makes me thinks of my lover way back in Malaysia. The early days I couldn’t really understand what she and her friends talking about. It’s a challenge and now I could kind of speaking in their language and their writing. heheh. So here a few words that I already know in which I used daily. Enjoy (I just write it by the way it sounds like. heheh)
• Kois- ok or good
• Mafi-not or not
• Muskila-problem
• Akil-eat
• Moya-water
• Tarban- sick
• Sugul-work
• Hava- that
• Kalam-speak
• Maklum-understand
• Taal-come
• Ruh-go
• Kulu-always or often
• Baddan-after or after that
• Fulus-money
• Mia mia- 100/100(usually referring to very best)
• Kam-how
• Keda keda- lazy
• Ana-I
• Anta-you
• Baladia- dirt or garbage
• Gir gir-noisy

*try to guess what dupdup means>heheh

30minutes train ride

Current is closing tight,
U drifting away,
Running away,
Moving in circle....

Breathing feel like chocking,
Is this life worth living,
When all your sky turn to grey,
You just wish its the end of day,

Take a ride on a one way road,
To a place to dismiss your sorrow,
When the journey reach to the end,
You book another ticket for tomorrow again...

Northern Star

As you go to bed tonight,
I beg the moon to keep you safe,
And told to my angels to hug you tight,
So I know you’ll be alright.

I asked the wind to blow you my kiss goodnight,
God knows how I wish for us to be like we used to be,
But I guess something must had change,
And I pray to god that we will be alright.

The Painter

I sketch a picture of you tonight,
To let the world knows how beautiful you are to me,
And bind it close to my heart,

I draw a future of us,
Bit by bit,
Slowly to make it near to perfection,
With soft lines like the way I want to cherish you,
Bright and light in color represent our journey that fills with smile and laughter,

I painted pictures of a child with clear crystal eyes,
Straight silky hair,
That’s resemble the beauty of her mother would be,

I sketch pictures of my wife,
And hope she would draw pictures of me…