My dad’s name is Abdul Rahman and the best part of it was I am his birthday present. Yup. We share the same birth date. Story been told that my mum already give up one having a child anymore since she already 2 daughter that time. But for the sake or my dad, who wishes to have a son to continue his name my mum take another chance.
I grew up with my grandparents which are staying just a block back from my house. So frankly speaking I don’t really feel the bond between my own parents who is my own blood can’t blame them to make me feel that way and but used to blame them for not understand me. Well I guess we all in life would blame our parents for flawless in our life. I still remember growing up hating them especially my dad which him not the type that show his feelings. When I was a little dude, I remember my dad used to play thing with my by reflecting human behavior to a creature. Like me he used to say I’m like an ant because my trade is hard working and don’t know how to give up. But then teenage year arrive and it grew us apart or what if try to make me mind think off. Since little I was known for being hyper, naughty and talkative. I was been label as the black sheep in my bloodline. The only people that time was stand up for me and believes in me were my 2 beloved grandparents. Slapping and hit by a cane are nothing extraordinary for me. And I start to hate my dad so much and judging myself what the resemblance I have with him. I didn’t see any and I take an oath to myself that when I grew up I don’t want do be like him. At all cost. So I become so wild and live in my own world, my poetry and my imaginations. And these 4 walls in my room are my sanctuary. And I don’t feel like my house is my own heaven. So I spend a lot of times at the outside because I feel a stranger in my own heaven. My house becomes a hotel for me to shut my eyes for a while.
After my grandparents past away, more and more I was drown to this loneliness and fantasy in life. Living a life of careless what might happen. I live a life without reason. Because I was anger the world and I fist to the sky because of taking away the only people I care about in my life. Questioning why he being so mean by taking away them and why he let me breathe the air with parents likes this. This anger flows in my vain for many years and then it happen when I reach adulthood. Is a simple yet deep conversation with my uncle who gives me a realization. He says no matter how wrong or bad you think your parents are they are still own on blood. People who put their life just to make sure u breathing and unsure you would have a life in good manner. How hard you trying to not accept them but u have to remember that god crates you and they give you a life. Something that can’t be measure by money or any thing in this world could supply. Love them, treat them well when they will around for to be kiss and hug to. Because when already went to the ship to the other world, being regret or missing them wont do much for you. Maybe now you won’t feel it because they in front of you but then when the time comes believe me thought of regret would hovering in your minds. Accept anything that they say even though you don’t agree with you. Give face to them for god sake their own parents.
That conversation I had was my turning point. Maybe its maturity reaches its stage or I just accept the thing that my uncle told me does make sense. It grows on me and makes me became calm and accepting my parents for who they are. And being *redha* in life complication slowly burn out the fire in me. I start to see thing I don’t see with my own eyes before this. The goodness and greatness of my dad. How patient he is in his life, on how he kept his problem to himself just for the sake of the family. And I realize I can’t see it front of me that I am my dad’s child. Who I am, how do I behavior and face the way is the way my dad is. Something that happened because of his gene flows in me. Put aside my charm and looks then you can see Mr Abdul Rahman.heheh. I always thought that he hates me of the thing I had done in life. Things how hard I try to wipe away the stained still left it marks. But when my eyes are start to open wide now that I realized that his not mad with me but he is disappointed to himself of what had become to me. It shows clearer through his face. In his eyes show a men in sadness who thinks he is a failure to his son. Because every men success are not valued by the rich and fame he have, but how he strife to make to sure his family enough of everything. Having a child who is successful in life would be a bonus but the important thing is they grew up being somebody good. That’s all. I miss my dad even though when we talk he doesn’t give me the answer that I wanted but to seeing his face of calmness when I told my problems are already can make me feel calm inside. His my idol because his a Johor java kids who married with a KL nearly become model lady (thank god my tuk and tukwan chase away this model talent again.hehe), who rise 3 children in Kuala Lumpur with only MCE result and works in Motorola factory and who nearly became vegetable due to major stroke (now his already secretly start to smoke again and hangout at the football field stall at night). For now I’m sure and proud to say I am who I am is my dad’s son.
